Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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