So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize