Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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