This is not my ceiling
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
