i wish my penis had a tongue
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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