We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
