What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
