Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
