Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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