I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize