im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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