I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
