Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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