So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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