marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She told me I should be a condom model.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
