Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
