dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
