After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize