Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize