Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
