The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
