nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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