Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
