its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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