Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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