matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
