im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
