It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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