mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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