i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
