I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
