You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
