i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
