there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
