Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A bitchslap is in order.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
