Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
