When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
