don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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