AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
