Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
