It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
