I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
