just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
