why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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