Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
