Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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