the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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