I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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