Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
