Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Vodka?
Forever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
