Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
