I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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