We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
