I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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