No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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