I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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