I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
