did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
