Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry about my life...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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