So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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