So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
