So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
