One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize