She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
