Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
